A Feel-Good Summit Talk
June 15, 2000
1. Banzai mentality
Koreans are characterized generally with the tendency to display an unfettered and emotive feeling in public when they are either extremely sorrowful or pleased with the events, such as in the funeral process they openly cry loudly and shed tons of tears or in greeting their political leaders they shriek banzai with abandon.
When DJ Kim returned from the North-South meeting, there have been an explosion of rapturous emotion and delusory euphoria among the South Koreans that only appear in the society where nincompoops, hypocrites, and sellouts have an upper hand and coolheaded, logic-minded, and sagacious people slump in an awkward atmosphere.
A TV anchorman has put on a smiley face and ducktalks DJ’s bromide: we, Koreans, can settle our dispute on the issues of the reunification without any interference from anyone, a grandiose delusion of self-indulgence.
DJ has assured his people that the threat of the war on the peninsula has disappeared since his visit to the North, the same braggadocio when he told a lie the South has graduated from IMF bailout a few months ago. It was an amazing and blatant chicanery that one stroke of signature could eliminate the menace to peace that every souls of live and dead Koreans desperately have sought after for 50 years and he did it with a single visit to the North!
Oh, please give me a break!
There couldn’t have been such an apropos occasion for DJ Kim, who was dumped by his people at the recent parliamentary election and humiliated with an unsavory pursuit for his erstwhile bedfellow JP Kim in order to obtain the majority in the national assembly.
He appears to shed an image of the treacherous and Machiavellian political hack as if a duck sheds water off its back.
However, it is a matte of time when the people become sober, cool headed, and realize that the so-called formulas he proposed to the North are not the officially sanctioned one but his own personal opinion that was formulated during his untoward political life in the early 90s.
His people and the national assembly have never mandated him to proceed with his personal formulas that smell stink in a way to cut corner in achieving his personal popularity.
2. Reality Check
In reality, the North-South Talk is a non sequitur and the proposed three-phased formula for the reunification has a close similarity with an inverted form of Pyramid scheme that would give birth to a multi-headed chimera.
In the first place, DJ’s proposal for the unification process that promotes a confederation of two independent states was to avoid the thorniest issues of US presence in the South and the nuclear armament in the North, stipulating that the each state has the intrinsic rights with regard to the foreign affairs and military capabilities. These issues are sine qua non of many other agendas that have to be dealt with the South Koreans who have not been told of what the official formula would be.
DJ should call for the referendum, seek for the approval from the parliament, or at least put his personal formula on the public forums to debate prior to his departure to the North.
Secondly, DJ Kim should be charged with the violations of the National Security Acts (NSA) and other 20-some statutes that punish anyone to praise or promote the ideology of the North. Since his inauguration, DJ has arrested over 700 people for breaking the NSA and many of them are still in jail for the same offense that DJ himself is ipso facto committing with impunity.
He seems to become more cunning, arrogant, and tyrannical dictator than any other oppressive general-turned-presidents in disregarding the violation of the constitution and other statutory laws.
His attempt to revise the NSA has been stalled in the parliament since last year and his people have refused to give him the absolute majority mandate in recent election. And he still has the gall and arrogance to pledge some pies in the sky to his first-met blood brother in the North.
Thirdly, one of the investment firms in the United States has calculated that the North requires to have over $1 trillion to revitalize its economic infrastructures that have been devastated and moribund for last few years, and the South does neither have the financial capacities nor willingness to help out their pariah brothers.
The South has its own financial problems, and one of pivotal industrial giant Hyundai has been limping around due to the lack of cash flows that was partially caused by annual infusion of over $1 billion into the North.
On the other hand, the North is not ready to accommodate the massive inroads of the investment capitals, materiel, and greedy carpetbaggers.
Finally, the issue of the unification has always been internationalized and placed on the cutting boards of the Super powers since 1945, and China and Uncle Sam have been breathing heavily on the necks of the North and the South that Koreans just dine, wine, and shoot the shits.
That’s why there has been a train of meetings before the summit between the North Korea and China, and the South Korea and the United State.
Since Koreans have been sitting by the peg leashed around their necks for centuries, it is the natural corollary that they have no sensation of restraining tug until they stray from the pegs of China, Russia, Japan and the United States.
Only a fool believes that Koreans are capable of minding their shop while Chinese and Uncle Sam suck their fingers.
3. The talk between China and the North Korea before the summit:
tutor (Jiang Zemin) vs. urchin (Kim JI)
Tutor: Long time no see, son. I gather that you have not forgotten that we saved you during the Korean War.
Urchin: No sir. How could we forget you? I am here to ask some helpful directives in dealing with the South and the imperialist Uncle Sam.
DJ Kim has been pestering me constantly for tete-a-tete, sending tons of fertilizers, US dollars, and tourists. I know he desperately wants a Nobel Prize, but he won’t get it without me.
Tutor: Son, watch out that bastard. He is a sellout who can somersault and pirouette in tune with any music if it gives him an upperhand.
Urchin: Should I up the ante for another talk with him, such as another one billion dollars for the exchange of the special envoy, reunion between the lost families etc?
Tutor: Of course, you should note that you wouldn’t expect too much from Uncle Sam when the new guy, Governor Death, comes into the White House next year armed with TMD and NMD systems. You should milk DJ Kim as much as possible until he drops dead.
Urchin: Should I barter nuclear bombs with foods?
Tutor: What a naïve son! Do you think DJ and Uncle Sam fetch a bucket of food because they commiserate you so much? You are a dead man if you did not have the tool of Mutually Assured Destruction.
But don’t be too stupid to pour the cold water on the eager guest. In a Confucian culture, the manners matter. Give him a bear hug. Show the world you are not a moody and irascible playboy tyrant as the Western media has been brainwashing the people, but a smiling, affable, happy-go-lucky and talkative leader. You don’t have the complexion of a horrible terrorist like a kaffiyehed Arab but rather an amiable dunce like Ronald Reagan. I know you have a knack to make your counterpart loose in the chess game.
Urchin: Sir, can I rely on your help when Uncle Sam ever launches the preemptive nuclear strike against us?
Tutor: My poor son, don’t succumb to the Yankee bluffs. They have too many problems in their backyard to engage in an all-out attack. Be sure to continue working on the ICBM and nuclear capability. The Samson Option on Americans in the peninsula and Japan can be an effective deterrent against the US attack.
Urchin: Thank you for your advice. I will call you back soon.
Tutor: Wait a minute. I’ve heard that the Russian bear wants to see you in July. What does he have to do with you?
Urchin: Don’t worry my dear teacher. The Russians are broke and I don’t trust them because they are already in Uncle Sam’s back pocket. They don’t want to be left out in the power game of the Far East. I need as many supporters as possible to show our enemy that we are not as hapless as pariah.
Tutor: Good luck, son. We, Chinese, would thank you very much, if you’d be able to make a deal with the South that deprives the American military of a pretext for its forward bases in the South right on our doorstep.
4. The talk between the United States and the South Korea before the summit talk:
Master (Bill Clinton) vs. servant (DJ Kim)
Master: Nice to see you again, boy. I’ve seen you on television frequently these days and you must have been a good poster boy for globalization.
Servant: Dear master, thank you very much for your benevolence that allows me to play ball with the North.
Master: Boy, you know who the boss is and it’s good for you not to forget it. But I want you to tell your counterpart that we mean business when we talk about the north’s nuclear and missile stuffs. On the other hand, you should not give any hint or suggestion about the presence of US forces in the South. Simply ignore him and tell him that it is none of their business.
Servant: But my revered master, I can’t raise the missile and nuclear issues without responding for their inquiry about your presence in the peninsula. It is a well-known fact that both issues remain to be settled as symbiotic as body and soul in order to achieve the reunification of the country.
Master: Don’t play dumb, boy. I know you have a lot of sleazy and cunning ways to escape the embarrassing occasions like telling your people full of white lies about your horse tradings and financial difficulties. I know you have made treachery and duplicity your bywords.
Servant: Please be generous and pity with me, my master. I will serve you obediently and loyally, forever. Look at what I have done for you. I have placed whole land, banks, factories, and even my people on the shelf of the international flea market for fire sale as you have instructed me. I have even eaten the humiliating crow when I told my people that you could keep occupying my country even after the unification. Who would believe that Koreas could be united with the American occupation remain intact? Only stupid and dumb people like the South Koreans buy it.
Master: Bottom line is that the hegemonic foreign policies of the United States have never predicated on the logical, moral, humanistic, altruistic and democratic principles since its birth.
Do you think that we have lost over 30,000 young American lives in the Korean War and have kept over 37,000 GIs in order solely for the democracy? What do you take me for, a fool?
Wake up boys! The hegemonic control in the region is sole and ultimate raison detre for the US occupation forces in the Korean peninsula. I find that you South Koreans have been going too far…like SOFA revision, abolition of the bombing range, and Nogun-ri massacre.
How do you servant demand a right to prosecute your master under your own barbaric and unreliable judicial system? (Shh…. frankly speaking, I don’t trust our system neither. I shuddered when one of the governors released 13 convicts among 56 inmates waiting to be executed because they were wrongfully sentenced to die. Imagine what if you, as innocent as a god, were one of other inmates who still sits in the deathrow waiting to be executed. But most of my people are untoward to believe the principle of justice for all as your people do.)
Servant: master, your wishes are my command, and I will do whatever you ask me to do. But please give us mercy of Lord. Thank you for your advice. Thank you, thank you, and thank you…
5. The North and the South Summit:
Comprador (DJ Kim) vs. Hermit (Kim JI)
DJ Kim, a superb Machiavellian comprador, duck-walks in with rictus smile of a bowing undertaker and shakes hand with JI Kim, a recently spelunked-out hermit, and they waltz together for the inspection of the People’s Army at the airport where the national flags of the North flutter in the breeze with no sign of the South’s flag.
The mise-en-scene are carefully choreographed and staged with pomposity and dignity in order to show the world that they are two heads of each fully sovereign countries and are serious in dealing with their own fate by themselves without any interference form the super powers.
. During his three-day stay, DJ has been strangely reticent and short-versed in responding with his gregarious counterpart who has been bad-mouthed as an eccentric recluse by the Western media. It seems that DJ walked on the eggshells as a loyal comprador for Uncle Sam, and also become dumfounded when he realizes that his counterpart is not that stupid to be duped as his opponents in the South.
However, he did not hesitate to expose his treacherous and cunning characters when a high-ranking official of the North has challenged him about the intent and purpose of three alliances (US, Japan and South Korea) talk.
DJ replied that the alliances are to benefit both the South and the North as a sort of win-win policy and it is not aimed at harming the North.
What a Bull Shit! He has been a pathological liar to cheat his people, and now in the historical meeting of the Koreans he did not feel sorry to tell the Northern brothers a white lie.
Surprisingly, the alleged hermit has danced jubilantly as an artificially propped-up debutante on the international spotlight and showed the sharp awareness with full strength of testosterone and courtesy, quite contrary to what DJ was briefed as a rude and tyrannical curmudgeon by his NIS men and the CIA agents of his Uncle Sam.
During a limousine ride to the guesthouse, it is anybody’s guess what they talk and exchange something under the table.
Comprador: Thank you for car-pooling with me. You are an ultimate gentleman.
Hermit: Never mind, but I’d like to make sure that your car is not bugged.
Comprador; Frankly speaking, I myself can not be 100 percent sure even though my people fumigated thoroughly the entire car to find the bugs.
Hermit: I know Yankees are poor in Humint (intelligence gathered by katsa (agents) in the field), but pretty good for Comint (Acronym for communications intelligence). My people already employed for ECM (electronic countermeasure).
Comprador: Comrade, it is my honor to meet you, and I come along a long way to meet my blood brother.
Hermit: Well, happy to see you with so much freebies and a sack of greenbacks. Thanks for help upgrading me from terrorist, womanizer, drunkard, recluse, psycho, and dictator to instant CNN celebrity.
Comprador: Oh, well, don’t thank me. Just thank my revered master, Mr. Clinton.
Hermit: Wait a minute, are you here to market a philandering capitalist who fucked 20-something wench?
Comprador: Oh no, no, no…I am just pulling your leg. You know, I am the people’s president of the Republic of Korea, very independent and totally unfettered representative of the South Koreans.
Hermit: Really? Then how come you have lost popularity in last April election and how dare your uncle dictates what we can or we can’t talk here?
Comprador: Shhhh. I might be wired for taping by CIA, I don’t know if my entourage was tampered with a katsa from the National Security Agency. You never know what my master would do to check my integrity.
Hermit: I will break their neck if I catch them.
Comprador: By the way, my Big Daddy wants me to ask you about your intention that you would put off your nuclear projects indefinitely and stop selling your missile technology to other rogue states like Iran, Iraq, and Syria.
Hermit: Here goes again, you never stop being a factotum of the imperialist Yankee. Your Big Daddy was not faithful to implement the provisions of the Agreed Framework I had signed with, and I am ready to go along with the agreement if Americans fulfill their promises.
By the way, I believe it is my turn to ask you: what about the 37,000 Yankee soldiers in the South? You said it’s okay to stay in the peninsula permanently…how thick face you have to come to see me to talk about the unification without recanting this two-bit and oxymoronic double-talk?
Comprador: I’m sorry I can’t respond with your inquiry…I have to consult with my master before I can give some suggestion because I was not allowed to talk about it, otherwise my master would raise Cain over me.
Instead, let us deal with the family reunion issue. I think that we can at least settle this matter once and for all.
Hermit: I am with you on this matter if you are ready to release my people in your prison and repatriate them to the North. They have been incarcerated over 30 years for the violation of the National Security Acts that only are comparable in its cruelty and heinous penalty with the Israeli administrative detention act, and they were denied of liberty only because they refuse to sign the release form that infringes the basic rights of freedom of thought. You have released and pardoned many treacherous generals who committed the atrocious massacre of your own people for the sake of your own political convenience, and now you can’t ask me the humanitarian reunion of separate families while ignoring the plea from the North. These people have already served longest jail term and deserve to be reunited with their family in the North.
Comprador: I am sorry I can’t give you an answer about this matter. I am afraid of being accused as a red sympathizer. Let us talk about the economic cooperation. Would you guarantee the repatriation of the profit from the North if South Korean businessmen invest in the North?
Hermit: I’ve heard that the South Korean businessmen are characterized as greedy and money-grubbing carpetbaggers…wherever they go, they leave a pile of refuse, a devastation of environment, and exploitation of human workers including children and women. Innocent Koreans have got beaten up during overseas trips by the disgruntled foreign workers who were maltreated in the South. I am afraid that you Southerners gobble up everything in the North like a school of piranhas and leave a pile of junks in order to make profits. We are at a crossroads which way to go…to keep the country under the present communal system that fails to feed my people or to allow your market economy that brings eventual demise of the North.
Comprador: are there any agenda that we missed to talk about it?
Hermit: Yea, how about cold noodle soup? Have you enjoyed it?
Comprador: Have we agreed any item up to now? I can’t go home without any gift for my people. Would you give me anything, anything that we can tell the people that we have achieved something in addition to the agreement for the taste of cold noodle?
Hermit: You have come here with full bag of shits and you ask for something. How could I have a talk with someone who can’t commit himself for anything. I don’t need to see my tutor for his approval every and each time as you have to with your master. The only thing I can suggest you is I might see you again in the future, if you promise me more freebies and a sack of greenbacks.
And for the reunion of separated families, you release my people in your jail first and send some more fertilizers and let Hyundai have more investment here, then I am with you to have “a party of tears and cries” for CNN consumption. Have a good sleep and come to see me again tomorrow.
During the sleepless night, DJ Kim instructed his communication officer to establish a secured line with the South and made a coded call to his master for the instruction, and has received the go-ahead signal for his formulas that has been under the scrutiny of the National Security Agency of the United States.
Hermit: How was the bed? Is it too soft for you and your wife?
Comprador: No, no, no…I have had a good sleep last night.
Hermit: You must have received a positive answer from your master, I guess.
Comprador: Here is the synopsis of my proposals.
First, I’ll repatriate your people in jail and abolish the NSA when I go home and we let the separated families have reunion party on August.
Second, I’ll send Hyundai boss with a bag of cash and aid plan right away and announce that the South would build the cross-country railroad and allow the cultural exchange of the artists, musicians and writers immediately.
Third, we should make our unification formula as vague and nebulous as possible, so no one knows what it really means at all.
Hermit: You are a smart Alec really. I accept your offers and let us have a signing party.
Comprador: Thank you my brother comrade, you have saved my life. Thank you. Thank you.
Comprador: The Pope told me he is interested in seeing you if you invite him.
Hermit: You must be kidding… A Satan holding hand with a God? Heh, heh, heh, good for the Photo-Ops. What the heck, let him know I allow him to have an audience with me. It’s really worthwhile to live longer to see a god coming to see me, an archenemy of religion.
Comprador; also I would like to invite you to the South in very near future. We should not let our people mired into the post-summit fatigue. I think it is very important that various forms of fool’s parades are vital to make people feel good about the prospect of our talk.
Hermit: I totally agree with you. But, are you sure you can guarantee my safety from the marauding band of the Delta Forces in the US Army who are happy to snatch and ship me out on Apache helicopters for the international tribunal?
Comprador: Oh, come on, I can give you my assurance.
Hermit: Let me put it this way. Tell your people I accepted your invitation in some appropriate time, if it fits your propaganda scheme.
Comprador; Thanks again. You are really a courteous, Confucian-loving yangban (a man of the upper caste who prides oneself in aloof position beyond the reaches of hoi polloi).
Finally, DJ Kim wants to exploit the summit event for his faltering popularity in the South and asked Hermit if he would be allowed to go home on a motorcade through the country road crossing the DMZ.
Hermit was gaped with disbelief that his guest tries to give him the coup de grace…a motorcade escorted by his palace guards for hour-long drive on CNN with Larry King? What the fuck this bastard takes me for? A sucker? Or a dumb imbecile? He was furious of his guest’s sinister and manipulative character, but his anger subsided when he was reminded of his Chinese mentor that manners matter in a Confucian society.
So Hermit gave Comprador a bear hug and said adios.